That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
