woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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