I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
