his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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