This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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