I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
