so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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