What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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