i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
