And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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