did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
