i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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