yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
