Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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