So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
