My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
