Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
