We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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