It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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