so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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