why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Someone signed my nipple.
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