How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
