i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
