I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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