Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
