Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
