3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
