Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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