I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
