worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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