I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
