Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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