dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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