Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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