Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
