he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
