Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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