Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
