I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
