so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
