I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
