eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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