Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
