And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
