Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Never underestimate the power of titties
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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