my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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