Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
