Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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