I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
