i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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