Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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