I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
