So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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