Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
