i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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