I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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