I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
