You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
that is very illegal...i love you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
