She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
