I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
