she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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