There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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