The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
