I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so let's talk penis.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
